turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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