is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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