this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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