i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
