he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
