The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
