He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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