From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You were trust falling into bushes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
