can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
