There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
