Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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