Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
