wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
