I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
