End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
