I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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