now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
