Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
