ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
