She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
