we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
