I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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