I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize