Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
