yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
