Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
