eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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