Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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