Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
