Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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