He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
