He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
