I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
