i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
