to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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