Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
