I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
