Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
