I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
