Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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