Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
