guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize