so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
