dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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