I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Houston, we have a squirter
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I did not marry a roomba.
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