bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
