so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
