Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
