You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
