Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
