Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
