i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
