Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is classic penis vs brain.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
