Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The best revenge is premature balding
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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