i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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