I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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