When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize