my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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