Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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