just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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