one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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