I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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