The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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