break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
