does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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