not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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