I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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