Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
