My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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