I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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