Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
