He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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