I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
