Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize