Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
