Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
